A Closet Full of Possible Impressions

I can think of few first impressions that have stayed with me forever.  The day I walked down the aisle all dressed in white and saw my husband waiting at the altar looking stunning.  Wow what an impression that was.  It certainly made my heart beat faster and feel nervous and happy at the same time.  Then there was the image of seeing my daughter for the first time.  Covered in amneotic fluid and probably blood it was a beautiful memory that will never leave my mind.  Meeting my baby girl for the first time and without any clothing on was an experience I will never be able to fully describe.  So with those two impressions that come from my own experience I want to talk about first impressions as I head into Central High School tomorrow.

First of all as I am going through my new teacher wardrobe I'm having a hard time picking out an outfit.  Yes I have different color pants and yes numerous blouses and sweaters that would perfectly go with them but I still can't manage to pick one.  Spending all this time in picking an outfit I wonder why are first impressions so important? Why does it matter so much what I am going to wear tomorrow?  Why does the way we look define who we are?

I guess we can start by exploring the fact that first impressions are important.  No matter how many times over the past two years I had met with the person that is now my husband, the day I married him one of the important things was the way I was dressed.  Brides often spend a long time picking out their dress; this part of a wedding is so important that they now have a show called "say yes to the dress.". Surely enough this goes along the lines of "the dress you wear says a lot about you and putting out the right message is something we all desire."  So as u
I pick my outfit, I think "I sure do not want to look unprofessional, this would be a bad thing considering teachers have to look like professionals."  Like we said in class we don't want to blend in with our students.  Then I don't want to look too young.  While I am only twenty three years old, I want to look like a responsible person and not someone who might not be able to control a classroom in the near future.  My biggest fear is probably where I don't want to attract any sexual thoughts from my students.  As scary as it sounds there's teachers out there who constitute this discourse and I certainly  don't want to be the teacher who has her students fantasizing about her.  I want to portray the responsible individual I want to be in the future of this profession and clothes are a way to start doing this.  Before my cooperating teacher sees anything else, she will first see the way I am dressed.  That thought in itself could have me having nightmares tonight....

Whether we want to or not clothes certainly define who we are as individuals in this society.  Some clothes are more valued than others and this is why we have brands like Nike or Jordan.  Also you have to know what clothes are appropriate for each setting.  For example we would not wear a bathing suit to prom.  Although thinking about it some prom dresses show much more than they should.  Going to meet with my teacher tomorrow I don't want to be defined as someone who is unprepared or "slutty."  I want my clothes to say "I thought about this outfit a lot I hope it makes me look professional enough that you feel comfortable at having me around your students." I think I am not the only person in my class who worries about this and I believe this is also normal. 

But it is also important to understand what first impressions do to our image.  How they shape, build and define us in front of the eyes of others.  If  impressions weren't as important then why does a bride care so much for what she's going to wear on that special day.  Sure enough a first impression is not going to label you as something forever, since they can also change.  The first time I met ny daughter she was not the most pleasant sight and with the passing days and years she has changed that.  I understand though that part of my profession is looking the part, this is why is so important to me that I look my best tomorrow.  I'm sure there are many other things that can be said about first impressions, probably longer than what I wrote here.  I am also certain that some people don't share this particular view and I respect that.  I guess now it is time to go back to my closet and hopefully put something together that will give off the right impression tomorrow. 

Eyes On The Prize

Often enough I felt like I wanted to give up, other times I have been told by others that I'm not going anywhere. What hurt the most is that it was people close to me. Regardless of all this I have made up my mind, left those negative thoughts behind and have adhere to keeping my eyes on the prize.  At what price though....the price of receiving a higher education. That piece of paper that is highly valued within our society.  The one that opens doors, that talks volumes and gives an identity and power to those who hold it, obtain it...achieve it.  Most importantly at what cost???? Hmmmm let me count the ways.  Well I would have to start with all the frustrations starting from not finding parking spaces because in any given semester the school that I attend has decided to implement a new parking procedure to the sleepless three and four hour nights that mark up most of the days in my calendar.  Then there is all the sacrifices especially if you have a family...those are the hardest but also the most motivational.  One day being able to pay my parents for making the sacrifice of coming to this country and leaving everything behind.  I am thankful that my program is so rewarding though.  Like the fact that I write papers inspired on my daughter.  Also the plan that I have of one day showing her all the good she brought out in me, how she gave me stories to tell that made me unique.  It is then that I see the real value, the motor that keeps me going...it is then that I fix my eyes on that beloved and desired prize and that I'm willing to pay the cost!!!

I have been wondering how to transmit this to my students, how to inspire my students to fix their eyes on the prize.  I guess then I have my testimonials...starting from when I was a little girl who came to this country scared and anxious.  To going to one of the lowest performing schools called Central Falls.  A school that I think a whole nation knows because of the negative reputation the teachers there have and all the controversies.  That same school that I come from, that gave me so much. I am thankful enough that I come from there, it made me who I am, a better person a more rounded individual.  Especially those teachers who inspired me to arrive at Rhode Island College and take on education. 

Maybe college is not for everybody but an important skill to have is staying true to your dreams until you achieve them.  This is something that I hope my students learn from me, aside from all the other content I have to teach them.  A real life skill that I want to teach them is the fact that keeping our eyes on the prize helps us be someone in this society that often puts us down.  The most important part is that no matter what dream or achievement it is, when one holds, when one savors it, when one can says I'm proud of myself, I did it...that is the biggest, most incredible feeling of fullfillment a human being can elevate to!!! Students need to have this, to feel hungry for what they want, to see the positive in education.  I believe it is done more easily with an educator that models this, that has lived this and who wants to somehow, someway help students discover this valuable skill to have.

After all there was that quote that says "the greatest pleasure in life, is doing the things people say we cannot do."

Sleepless Nights With Windows of Possibilities

Three O' Clock in the morning last night and I could barely sleep...this is bad considering I had to be up at seven to get my daughter ready for school.  Not to forget I have to work at the place where customers just demand their food without caring for having any consideration that it is busy and that we don't cook in microwaves!!!! I couldn't sleep because i'm excited...there is a new chapter of my life unfolding in front of my eyes and I feel like a little kid with a christmas gift.  Only I have seen my daughter ripping through her christmas gifts like there is no tomorrow and I instead want to open iy slowly and savor the moment.  To have this opportunity is to behold another experience life has to offer.

Teaching must come from the heart and at home I am already a teacher.  I teach my husband because he is an ESL learner.  Offering him help whenever he has school work to get done.  The best teaching however comes from teaching my daughter.  That litlle tiny person who I once had to teach that waking up in the middle of the night would not make mommy happy and which now I have to teach her about the world outside the confines of our home.  I feel extremely rewarded, for example this week when she showed me how she is a kind person in a drawing she made and my heart beated a little faster at the tought that I must be doing something right.

I know the classroom will not be the four walls of my home or my students the little girl who grew up inside of me, but I know that many students call their schools a "second home" and that the teaching profession puts us in positions of care givers.  I approach this new chapter hungry for learning, so that when the day comes for me to have my own classroom all these experiences will help me.  This program has already defined a lot about who I am and where I am going but there's still much to be said and that is only going to build itself when i'm there, in the actual classroom.  Teaching those who are not my blood but whom I owe it to, to teach them about the English language and hope to be that teacher who opens up a window of possibilities.  Just like many of my teachers were for me.

So Here I go, It's my shot

It took me long enough to set up this blog.  Titles like Brave New Student Teacher, Portrait of a Hungry Student, Tender is English Education and Mission: Learning to Educate didn't make the cut.  I reflected for about an hour and multiple times asked my husband what he thought.  I'm sure he is glad I finally decided upon one.  So about my title, it's part of my story.  Numerous times people ask me what am I going to school for and every time I say "I want to be an educator," they seriously look at me like I lost my mind.  I do however think that to want to be an educator, one must be somewhat crazy.  If after all you hear on the news, the pay and what you have to deal with does not make you want to drop the program, then we have a little bit of crazy inside of us.  However it is something positive.  I cannot wait to arrive at my cooperating teacher classroom at Central High School with my teaching partner Emmanuel Ramos and grasp the opportunity.  Little by little every semester we have been taking baby steps and this is a new step on this journey.  One that has already proven to be insomniac, tiring, frustrating and yet rewarding.  I picture my crazy self putting on some inspirational song and listening to it on my way to exit 21 until I finally arrive at the brick facade which is Central High School.  Something like "Eye of The Tiger," or maybe "I Will Survive."  Of course arriving at this new classroom will be a roller coaster of anxiety, fear, excitement and hunger all at the same time. But being prepared and in the right set of mind is key. To want to be a teacher, it means you must want to wake up every day with the desire to give, the desire to learn and the desire to motivate your self in order to motivate others.  It also means to listen to what others have to say and pretend not to listen.  As I go into this new step of my journey, I cannot erase what has been said in the past or what will be said in the present or future.  I do however can embrace the moment, capture the experience, seize the opportunity and lose myself.   So when I am there for the first time and in conjunction with not only my friend but my partner in the classroom we can only hope that we learn more about the vast world of teaching.